my main intention for this past year was to Be Less Afraid. i spent many meditations concentrating on allowing fear to be my teacher rather than my dictator until the words seemed foreign. i asked to be humbled by my experiences every day, by the things i felt and the people i met and the moments i encountered. i concentrated on the color blue and the opening of my throat so that i could be more vocal, more verbal, more honest and true, open to communication, kind to others in my words and actions.
i spent time climbing sheets of ice and cliff faces. i became more open to others and slipped my skin through the sleeves of "a survivor" and my illnesses. i physically carried that Weight across campus with other hands to help me.
and then i cut It off.
i am a lot more fond of setting "intentions" for myself rather than "resolutions". i firmly believe in growing and bettering oneself every moment of every day, but i also believe in timing. and i've realized that Time holds an important place in my work as an individual being and as an artist, and in the overlapping of the two.
yesterday i completed the "finish something" by taking the last photo to document the past year. earlier today i went to take another before i realized that i was Done. was a very odd feeling. it doesn't quite feel complete. but the important thing is: i did it. as i look back, i see a tremendous spurt, tremendous opportunity, tremendous presence. i see all the many different levels i ebbed and flowed through. some are favorites, some are neutral, some are days i'd rather black-out (quite literally as seen in february). but i still experienced each and every one of them. and that makes all the difference.
the year of skunks, of many sunrises, goosebumps on mountain tops, physically climbing my fears, red red leaves, and balloons.
so as this "fresh start" begins, here are some things i am intending:
- following my passions. this includes ignoring the side-eyes and guilt-trips from others. i come first. i am doing me first and foremost. i am learning the word(s), "no. i'm sorry, i can't."
- refusing to continue altering my life/schedule around those who don't include me in theirs.
- surrounding myself with kind and genuine souls who resonate with mine. hanging up the ties from those who don't.
- feeling--everything. in each moment, as i need to, and then moving on to the next.
- less dwelling. more letting go.
- trying more new things.
- consuming less dairy.
- going on trips. EXPLORING. enjoying the journey.
- being awake. being aware.
- not feeling guilty about most of the above.
2014 was the year of roots. 2015 will be the year of branches.